You Never Phone Loudon Wainwright III

You never phone you never write Hell I stopped hoping that you might You`re trying to hurt my feelings right You never phone you never write You never write you never phone I`m sorry to bitch and moan

Number One Loudon Wainwright III

Of all the chicks & broads & babes & bimbos I have known No one does it better than you do on the phone Midway through my busy day all through my empty night I dial your 900 number and it feels oh so right

Down Drinking at the Bar Loudon Wainwright III

Well, I call you up on the phone: nobody's at home. Then I do my usual thing: I let the telephone ring and ring and ring. I'm standing at a phone booth, coping with the ugly truth.

Breakfast In Bed Loudon Wainwright III

We stay put instead I grind the beans, squeeze the juice And butter up the toast That takes about an hour Ninety minutes at the most I like my breakfast in my bed I could use a bite Just pick up where you

Y2k Loudon Wainwright III

at school, church, business, and work Makes you feel like a genius even though you're just a jerk You get a computer, you sit it in your lap It does a little bit of this it does a whole lotta that It

The End Has Begun Loudon Wainwright III

gonna know Never gonna look back Never gonna know where we would have ended up at The end has only begun So stop counting the hours Live out in the world Cause I've been chasing the answers And they don't

The Home Stretch Loudon Wainwright III

If the day off doesn`t get you Then the bad reviewer does At least you`ve been a has been And not just a never was And you know it`s not a mountain But no mole hill is this big And you promise to quit

Smokey Joe's Cafe (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

One day while I was eating beans at Smokey Joe’s Café Sitting digging on the scene at Smokey Joe’s Café A chick came walking through the door that I had never seen before Least I’d never saw her down at

Guru Loudon Wainwright III

promises to make us fee He's got all the solutions to all of the problems That are plaquing our society All the followers they love to follow their Guru Everything else is a hoax They kiss his lotus feet, You

Little Ship Loudon Wainwright III

Our relationship Is just a little ship That's out on a stormy sea We barely keep afloat In our leaky boat But still I'm hoping That you'll dote on me When we first set sail We thought we'd never fail

Grown Man Loudon Wainwright III

You got a grown man for a boyfriend, So you better treat him just like a baby. He's a saint on Sunday, he's a bum on Monday; The rest of the week he's just crazy.

What Are Families For? Loudon Wainwright III

Your mother's loose, your father's slim She smothers you, you bother him Passed back and forth between those two Until they've had enough of you Another bundle comes along But by this time something's

Conspiracies Loudon Wainwright III

We don't believe in "You know who" But we don't let the kids know it We're parents, who are grown ups There's a line we have to toe it But we're part of a conspiracy About this bearded big fat guy Who

Sometimes I Forget Loudon Wainwright III

books It's as if all you've done is go out of town You'll be back soon, that's just how it looks But your suitcase is empty, it's right here in the hall That's not even the strangest thing Why would you

A Father And A Son Loudon Wainwright III

When I was your age I was just like you, And just look at me now; I'm sure you do. But your grandfather was just as bad And you should have heard him trash his dad.

What Gives Loudon Wainwright III

Holly Ricky Nelson, Otis Redding in one super group Bring me the bones of Brian Jones And Joplin's tinted glasses Hendrix's pick, Keith Moon's drumstick And a caftan of Mama Cass' Rock and roll will never

Say That You Love Me (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

Told you I love you Talked on the [Incomprehensible] You'd said that you like me, feel like a fool Say that you like me, that's not enough Say that you love me, I'm calling your bluff Say that you love

Mr. Ambivalent Loudon Wainwright III

Ambivalent You ain't going nowhere Sitting on that fence Mr. Ambivalent We're all sick and tired Of your ambivalence Mr. Ambivalent You don't gain no ground When you stay in one spot Mr.

Father/Daughter Dialogue Loudon Wainwright III

[Martha] Dearest Daddy with your songs Do you hope to right your wrongs?

Ogm Loudon Wainwright III

The OGM on our machine Began with we're not here now But you went and changed the "we" to "no one" Do you mean us or me?

Bein' A Dad Loudon Wainwright III

Bein' a dad isn't so bad Except that you gotta feed 'em You gotta shoe 'em and clothe 'em And try not to loathe 'em Bug 'em and hug 'em and heed 'em Bein' a dad can sure make you mad Man it even can drive

Over The Hill Loudon Wainwright III

Once you were a young man, But now you are old - you're over the hill. And you can't cross the palm of time's hand With silver and gold to make him stand still.

Between Loudon Wainwright III

You are standing on that empty beach not knowing where to go-o Out to sea or else inland, your whole life you don't know.

Kick In The Head Loudon Wainwright III

Well I hear that she told you she'd been shacking up with your best friend And the kick in the head is she said that she wants to again Well they was kissin and huggin and doin it right in your bed Oh

So Many Songs Loudon Wainwright III

I've written so many songs about you This is the last one, after this I'm through When I sing this one, when I do my show, People will hear it, the world will know I've written so many songs about you

The Untitled Loudon Wainwright III

Oh when I die & it wont be long Oh you're gonna be sorry that you treated me wrong You're gonna be sorry that you treated me bad And if there's an after life I'll gloat & I'll be glad Might be a plane

Muse Blues (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown I pulled out my spiral notebook and my scripto pencil These, these, these are

Dead Skunk Loudon Wainwright III

Crossin` the highway late last night He shoulda looked left and he shoulda looked right He didn`t see the station wagon car The skunk got squashed and there you are You got yer Dead skunk in the middle

New Paint Loudon Wainwright III

At the station you can meet her With that smile you couldn?t cheat her A woman that kind is hard to find It?

Talking New Bob Dylan Loudon Wainwright III

Hey, Bob Dylan, I wrote you a song Today is your birthday if I'm not wrong If I'm not mistaken, you're 50 today How are you doin', Bob? What do you say?

Unrequited To The Nth Degree Loudon Wainwright III

Oh when I die and it won't be long Hey you're gonna be sorry that you treated me wrong Yeah you're gonna be sorry that you treated me bad Hey and if there's an after life I'll gloat and I'll be glad Might

Dilated to Meet You (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

We're wondering when you will arrive We're wondering what you'll be We're wondering if you'll be a her Or if you'll be a he Maybe you'll arrive today Perhaps tomorrow night We're hoping you won't hurt

A Song Loudon Wainwright III

Here's a song For someone else to sing With a universal And generic ring It's all about the same old stuff That you like and can't get enough of How's about a minor chord right here Wasn't that rather

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder Loudon Wainwright III

I guess you'd say you were taken for granted I went on and on and I raved and I ranted,oh-- My tyrannical ways.

Mr. Guilty Loudon Wainwright III

Call me Mr Guilty, Mr Guilty that's my name Without a doubt it's all my fault, I'm the one to blame You say that you're unhappy I do believe it's true Cause I'm the one, the no good bum That did it all

Happy Birthday Elvis Loudon Wainwright III

I heard a cassette of you speaking On a telephone; From a bunker beneath Graceland, The king sits on his throne. Happy birthday, Elvis; Fifty-eight years old today.

Come A Long Way (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

We've come a long way since we last shook hands Still got a long way to go We couldn't see the flowers since we last shook hands Couldn't see the flowers on account of the snow What did you do with your

The Doctor Loudon Wainwright III

I went to the doctor and the doctor said Son you look older than me and I'm 71 You're falling apart and not living right I went to the doctor and the doctor said Loud, you've got to stop hanging out With

Something For Nothing Loudon Wainwright III

You can pull one of my songs right out of thin air Go ahead and download me see if I care In love war and cyberspace everything`s fair And it`s ok to steal `coz it`s so nice to share You`re in luck `cos

Career Moves Loudon Wainwright III

So here am I doing all that I can do You're paying, I'm playing, I'm grateful to you Indoors and outdoors, at home and abroad I sing these songs and you people applaud.

4 X 10 Loudon Wainwright III

it's not strange, no mystery you and I are history I put up my protective wall it's 4 feet thick and 10 feet tall 10 feet tall and 4 feet thick granite, concrete, steel and brick protection for you, understand

Four Mirrors Loudon Wainwright III

I've slumped in your chair Tossed and turned in your bed Lurked in your lair I have lived in your head Where others were closer No one is nearer As I glimpse you in me In the hallway mirror I've grabbed

Five Years Old Loudon Wainwright III

that they'll sing happy birthday When those lights go out Make a wish it just might come true Blow those candles out Five years old, Five years old Five years old, Five years old I Hope yo get the gifts you

The Picture Loudon Wainwright III

There are pictures on the piano, pictures of the family, Mostly my kids but there's an old Picture of you and me.

The Shit Song Loudon Wainwright III

saw myself this morning phew and I know of what I speak I`m a human being but I look like I reek And a weaker bathroom lightbulb just might take care of it `Cos the mirror shatters your illusions when you

The World Loudon Wainwright III

hole From bottom to top and pole to pole No there's no good news This world's useless I'm out of here it's my goal Cause the world is a crappy old hole And the world is a sandwich of shite Every day you

Nocturnal Stumblebutt (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

you're asleep I can't sleep, I gotta smoke I think I left some in my coat No they're not there, but there's a chance I left some in a packet in my pants Bumped into the table, just below the belt If you

Your Mother & I Loudon Wainwright III

Your Mother & I are living apart I know that seems stupid, but we weren't very smart You'll stay with her, I'll visit you At Christmas, on weekends, the summertime too Your Mother & I are not getting along

1994 Loudon Wainwright III

no pair of pants I'm talking about a future Where nothing's left to chance If you'rre dumb, fat, queer, or crazy No one is to blame You've just been dealt a lousy hand In the genetic poker game And if you

I Can'T Stand Myself Loudon Wainwright III

of waitress I could lure under my mattress If I ply her with chitchat and wine How's about a rich heiress Or a nice massage therapist I could use some hands-on treatment all of the time I'm done with you