Waldo Jeffers had reached his limit
It was now mid August which meant that he had been separated from Marsha for more than two months
Two months, and all he had to show were three dog eared letters and two very expensive long distance phone calls
True, when school had ended and she'd returned to Wisconsin and he to Locust, Pennsylvania she had sworn to maintain a certain fidelity
She would date occasionally, but merely as amusement
She would remain faithful But lately Waldo had begun to worry
He had trouble sleeping at night and when he did, he had horrible dreams
He lay awake at night, tossing and turning underneath his printed quilt protector, tears welling in his eyes
As he pictured Marsha, her sworn vows overcome by liquor and the smooth soothings of some Neanderthal
Finally submitting to the final caresses of sexual oblivion It was more than the human mind could bear
Visions of Marsha's faithlessness haunted him
Daytime fantasies of sexual abandon permeated his thoughts
And the thing was, they wouldn't understand who she really was
He, Waldo, alone, understood this
He had intuitively grasped every nook and cranny of her psyche
He had made her smile, and she needed him, and he wasn't there Awww
The idea came to him on the Thursday before the Mummers Parade was scheduled to appear
He had just finished mowing and edging the Edelsons lawn for a dollar fifty
And had checked the mailbox to see if there was at least a word from Marsha
There was nothing more than a circular form the Amalgamated Aluminum Company of America inquiring into his awning needs
At least they cared enough to write
It was a New York company You could go anywhere in
the mails Then it struck him he didn't have enough
money to go to Wisconsin in the accepted fashion
true, but why not mail himself It was absurdly
simple He would ship himself parcel post special
delivery The next day Waldo went to the supermarket
to purchase the necessary equipment He bought
masking tape, a staple gun and a medium sized
cardboard box, just right for a person of his build
He judged that with a minimum of jostling he could
ride quite comfortably A few airholes, some water, a
selection of midnight snacks, and it would probably be
as good as going tourist
By Friday afternoon, Waldo was set He was thoroughly
packed and the post office had agreed to pick him up
at three o'clock He'd marked the package FRAGILE
and as he sat curled up inside, resting in the foam
rubber cushioning he'd thoughtfully included, he tried
to picture the look of awe and happiness on Marsha's
face as she opened the door, saw the package, tipped
the deliverer, and then opened it to see her Waldo
finally there in person She would kiss him, and then
maybe they could see a movie If he'd only thought of
this before Suddenly rough hands gripped his package
and he felt himself borne up He landed with a thud
in a truck and then he was off
Marsha Bronson had just finished setting her hair It
had been a very rough weekend She had to remember
not to drink like that Bill had been nice about it
though After it was over he'd said that he still
respected her and, after all, it was certainly the way
of nature and even though no, he didn't love her, he
did feel an affection for her And after all, they
were grown adults Oh, what Bill could teach Waldo
but that seemed many years ago Sheila Klein, her
very, very best friend walked in through the porch
screen door into the kitchen Oh God, it's
absolutely maudlin outside
Ugh, I know what you mean, I feel all icky Marsha
tightened the belt on her cotton robe with the silk
outer edge Sheila ran her finger over some salt
grains on the kitchen table, licked her finger and made a face
I'm supposed to be taking these salt pills, but, she
wrinkled her nose, they make me feel like throwing up
Marsha started to pat herself under the chin, an
exercise she'd seen on television God, don't even
talk about that She got up from the table and went
to the sink where she picked up a bottle of pink and
blue vitamins Want one Supposed to be better than
steak And attempted to touch her knees I don't
think I'll ever touch a daiquiri again She gave up
and sat down, this time nearer the small table that
supported the telephone Maybe Bill'll call, she
said to Sheila's glance
Sheila nibbled on a cuticle After last night, I
thought maybe you'd be through with him
I know what you mean My God, he was like an
octopus Hands all over the place She gestured
raising her arms upward in defense The thing is
after a while, you get tired of fighting with him, you
know, and after all he didn't really do anything
Friday and Saturday so I kind of owed it to him, you
know what I mean She started to scratch Sheila
was giggling with her hand over her mouth I'll tell
you, I felt the same way, and even after a while, she
bent forward in a whisper, I wanted to, and now she
was laughing very loudly
It was at this point that Mr Jameson of the Clarence
Darrow Post Office rang the door bell of the large
stucco colored frame house When Marsha Bronson
opened the door, he helped her carry the package in
He had his yellow and his green slips of paper signed
and left with a fifteen cent tip that Marsha had
gotten out of her mothers small beige pocket book in
the den What do you think it is Sheila asked
Marsha stood with her arms folded behind her back S
he stared at the brown cardboard carton that sat in
the middle of the living room I don't know
Inside the package Waldo quivered with excitement as
he listened to the muffled voices Sheila ran her
fingernail over the masking tape that ran down the
center of the carton Why don't you look at the
return address and see who it is from Waldo felt
his heart beating He could feel the vibrating
footsteps It would be soon
Marsha walked around the carton and read the
ink scratched label Ugh, God, it's from Waldo
That schmuck, said Sheila Waldo trembled with
expectation Well, you might as well open it, said
Sheila Both of them tried to lift the stapled flap
Ahh, shit, said Marsha groaning He must have
nailed it shut They tugged at the flap again My
God, you need a power drill to get this thing opened
They pulled again You can't get a grip They
both stood still, breathing heavily
Why don't you get the scissors, said Sheila Marsha
ran into the kitchen, but all she could find was a
little sewing scissor Then she remembered that her
father kept a collection of tools in the basement
She ran downstairs and when she came back, she had a
large sheet metal cutter in her hand
This is the best I could find She was very out of
breath Here, you do it I'm gonna die She sank
into a large fluffy couch and exhaled noisily
Sheila tried to make a slit between the masking tape
and the end of the cardboard, but the blade was too
big and there wasn't enough room Godamn this
thing she said feeling very exasperated Then
smiling, I got an idea
What said Marsha
Just watch, said Sheila touching her finger to her head
Inside the package, Waldo was so transfixed with
excitement that he could barely breathe His skin
felt prickly from the heat and he could feel his heart
beating in his throat It would be soon Sheila
stood quite upright and walked around to the other
side of the package Then she sank down to her knees
grasped the cutter by both handles, took a deep breath
and plunged the long blade through the middle of the
package, through the middle of the masking tape
through the cardboard, through the cushioning and
thud right through the center of Waldo Jeffers head
which split slightly and caused little rhythmic arcs
of red to pulsate gently in the morning sun