(NEWS FLASH!!!) (scene: the press corps have descended upon the White House, a spokesperson begins to speak:)
They looked in the White House and Capitol Hill
They looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill
We called every scholar, reporter, and genius
Has anyone seen the Presidents penis?
It aint in the Congress or Judiciary
It aint in the Smithsonian or that big ole library
an astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus
Has anyone seen the Presidents penis?
(now the entire press corp. erupts in song:)
THE PRESIDENTS PENIS IS MISSING OLE!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW, EVERY NIGHT EVERYDAY
LORD, WONT YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENTS PENIS?
(at this point, legendary news man Walter Cronkite returns from the moon to add his commentary:)
Now Presidents have goofed up in all kinds of ways
in the 80s we elected one missing his brain
George Washington caught a cold he couldnt explain
and we all know the truth about Thomas Jeffersons name
(suddenly William Randolph Hurst rises from the grave and bellows out in an Orson Welles type voice:)
Franklin D. Roosevelt wasnt no square
with that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair
and all the lesbians snickered that Elenor didnt care
and John Kennedys penis was seen everywhere
(once again everyone breaks out in gleeful song:)
THE PRESIDENTS PENIS IS MISSING OLE!!!
WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW EVERY NIGHT EVERY DAY
LORD WONT YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENTS PENIS?
(the scene shifts to Sen. John Glenn, wandering pensively, somewhere in space:)
Them outer space people would laugh if theyd seen us
all this talk about cum-stains and oral coitus
meanwhile the whole world suffers from hunger and meanness
but were more concerned with the Presidents penis
THE END?