I'm being watched by a duck
And with a little bit of luck
I can move away and never fear again
I saw his beak, he made a smirk
Then he dunked his head to lurk
And turned my blood to ice within my veins
I would migrate north if you could guarantee
That there are no ducks in the Arctic sea
Their waddling gives me anxiety
Whenever they're following me
Quack.
I'm afraid of a duck
('Cuz they have creepy feet)
I'm afraid of a duck
(And their razor sharp beak)
I'm afraid of a duck
(They have black beady eyes)
I'm afraid of a duck
(And they're staring at me!!)
You dirty cloaca go back to your flock
Of paddling revolting floating freeloading
Poultry!
Quack quack quack quack quack...
Here they come, I think I'm marked
Every time I'm at the park
A miscreation comes to steal my bread
Drop your things and run for the car
Cause if you don't make it that far
They'll feast upon your fallen corpse instead
There is nothing more fowl than a drake on a lake
Staring me down until I finally break
A flap of their wings gives me a panic attack
And I don't have the strength to fight back
Quack quack
I'm afraid of a duck
(They would kill you for your bread)
I'm afraid of a duck
(Then eat your liver instead)
I'm afraid of a duck
(I'm not over-reacting)
I'm afraid of a duck
(Stop laughing at me!)
You think that it's funny?
Just wait until they're coming!
Don't you know birds of a feather murder together?
He's watching me!
(They're after me)
[repeat]
SHH! I'm afraid of that duck
I'm afraid of that other duck
I'm afraid of the flock
And all my friends think I should see a QUACK!
But I'm not cool with that
Claiming ducks are all innocent, they're not!
Little pieces of shit, they bit me when I was a kid. Ruined my fucking life.
I could have been President, but look at me now. I'm in this stupid band.
I'm not crazy you see
Look, they hunt in a flying V
And it's pointed at me
My worst nightmare descends upon..
Oh God!
[Lots of quacking]
Get em off me! Get em off me! Goddamn fuck! [screaming]
"What do you think Doc, am I crazy?"
"It sounds like you have a classic case of Anatidaephobia, which is a fear of being watched by ducks. I recommend that you go to the store, buy many loaves of bread and and feed the ducks. Feed ALL the ducks. FEED THE DUCKS!."
"That's your advice?"
"FEED THEM!"
"Who gave you your degree?"
"I attended the University of QUACK! Where I got my Masters in QUACK! I moved on to QUACK! "
"QUACK!"
"No!"
"QUACK!"
"No no no no no no no no not again! There is no God!"
[screaming]