"If you wanna get in trouble let me tell you how to do it Get yourself a guitar and then you're right into it You play all day and you play all night People say you'll never learn to play the thing right Always messing about, groaning at you Moaning, won't let you practice So I bought myself a guitar about a year ago The man said I could learn it in a week or so Gave me a little book, pick or two Said, ""Here why'are mate, it's up to you"" Dirty rotter, cost me ten nicker, all the loot I had Good guitar, though, called it a pluck it Anyway, spent me dough And I couldn't let it all go to waste, you know So I took the book, guitar and all And I went back home where the trees are tall Down in Woodford, good place to be if you've got a guitar Pretty rotten if you ain't Well, for weeks and weeks I worked hard And I tried to learn a few main chords The book says they're easy as ABC Cor, my fingers is killing me, got sore on the ends Couldn't hold the strings down Wanted to pack up, cor, I felt rough Anyway, kept on playing with all me might I could see Mum's hair was turning white And her face was lined with discontent She said her patience was pretty near spent She was nervous, ears ringing, wanted to scream You know, couldn't get no relief So sister, anyway, she took it worst of all 'Cause she got married the following fall She said ""For love"" but I got me doubts I think the guitar chased her out She's a game girl, though Just couldn't take it, you know, limit to everything Dad, he took it a different way He said, you can turn your Mum's hair gray Drive your sister away from home But you or me boy's gonna start to roam And I ain't going, never intend to You figure it out, so I did, fast, you know Anyway, next day had me clothes all packed And I slung me guitar across me back Caught myself a great long train Searched the world for me share of fame Ain't found none, just hardships, messing about Skiffle, Tommy Steele
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